Discussing Disclosure: A Parent’s Guide to Tough Conversations About Health and Friendship

 

Recently I faced something with Dot that, frankly, in all my years as a medical mom, I had never even considered.

We just had school picture day, so I took her out today for a nice haircut, and we had lunch together at one of our favorite spots.

While we were at lunch, she brought up something serious. She wanted my opinion on whether she should tell her friends at school about her medical condition. She has a close group of friends—about three or four—and was wondering if they should know.

I wasn’t quite sure how to respond.

I asked her if she thought her friends would treat her differently. She said no, but she was worried they might not understand her rare condition.

As a parent, I hadn’t expected this question. Here are a few things I shared with her as they came to mind during our conversation:

1. Even if she explains her condition as plainly and simply as possible, her friends may still struggle to fully understand what it means. Many adults, no matter how much I explain it, still don’t fully grasp the implications of her rare medical condition, adrenal insufficiency.

2. Sharing this information is entirely her personal choice. She should never feel obligated to tell anyone about her condition unless she wants to. Once information is shared with someone, even if it’s good, bad, or neutral, it could be passed along to others. It’s rare for it to stay just between two people.

3. If she does decide to share her condition, one of the most important things she should clarify is that it’s not contagious. It’s nothing like a cold or the flu, and her friends can’t catch it because it doesn’t work that way.

4. She doesn’t have to decide now. If she wants, we can sit down together and make a list of key points to help her explain her condition. I’d be happy to help her with that whenever she’s ready.

We both cried a little during this conversation. It’s never easy to know what to say at times like this. I just hope that I was able to provide her with a small amount of insight and hopefully some solid advice.